Roxx Gang – “Things You’ve Never Done Before” (1988)

By the time 1988 rolled around, all the major labels were filling up their rosters with hair bands.  Virgin Records, for their part, snatched up Roxx Gang, a harmless glam band fronted by Kevin Steele.  Hair band producer extraordinaire Beau Hill was tapped to produce Things You’ve Never Done Before.  The album ain’t bad, though it contains a fair amount of eye rolling lyrics penned by Steele.  Take Too Cool For School for example.  When I was about nine, I made up a song called Sucky Sucky Sucky School.  I believe that song had better lyrics than Roxx Gang’s Too Cool For School.  Again, I was NINE.  (Whenever you find yourself rhyming “school” with “fool” or “cool”, you may want to think about getting some help with the writing process.)  But I digress… one song I really think actually is too cool for school is Ball ‘N’ Chain, an interesting ditty in the spirit of one of those ol’ prison chain gang chants.

To cut to the chase, unless you are a real glam metal enthusiast like me, you probably will want to skip Things You’ve Never Done Before, but if you have a little bit of that Aqua Net fever, this album is a halfway decent slice of hair pie.  My score: B-


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