Kane Roberts – “Kane Roberts” (1987)

Kane RobertsSome of you may remember Kane Roberts as the musclebound guitarist for Alice Cooper’s band in the mid eighties.  He looked just like Rambo and toted around a custom-made M-60 machine gun guitar.  (Only in the 80’s, eh?)  Well, Kane was able to parlay that bit of notoriety into a record deal with MCA.  His first album was this self-titled nugget.  The cover, as you can plainly see, is cheese city.  But the music itself may surprise you.  Yes, Roberts was able to weave a delicate tapestry of sounds on this album — molding his euphonious ideas into a cohesive work of art that was at once soul crushing and intellectually stimulating.  One marvels at the beauty Roberts created — crafting this rich opus in much the same way he crafted his symmetrically chiseled frame.  Behold, for to listen to Kane Roberts is to fall headlong into a world of mystery and splendor!

I’m just kidding.  It’s crap.  My score: D

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